And about the question , I guess it doesn't matter if girl or guy misses their first love or not. Once it ends, it should be closed for good. More chapters are to come , and before someone else gets the baggage of our failed first love , we should heal.
Then it changed into anger “ why did I have to love him?”
Now there is only one feeling
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Sadness “ why can't I be happy like him”
First few months were great . Slowly I saw myself not becoming his priority. He had trust issues ,doubts etc. Somehow we pulled it to a complete year but behind the scenes most of the months I was in tears.
Forgiveness “ he couldn't love me , it's okay, these things can't be forced”
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That's when I met a batchmate . We started off as friends but he was interested in me. I was doubtful but soon I started liking him too. I never knew I would love him so madly that one day I would have to move on.
I wanted to add a diary entry I had written during those proff days of second year. While reading it today I realised how difficult it might have been writing it back then… lucky him , to be loved by a writer huh
Reels say men can't get over their first love
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At the last exam of my proff , I went out in evening and broke up for real . As usual he didn't believe it or treat it seriously. To add some seriousness I blocked him.
New session of third year started. Again some new feelings stirred.
All these took up most of my second year days of college.
Why do I like to eat my own cum?
Soon I will be in final year. And I am still fighting this , I know someday I will stop remembering him. I am waiting for that someday.
But somewhere there too I wanted to make him jealous that someone else is getting my attention.
Despair “ why can't he try to text me in some other way , guys text from so many apps or numbers after getting blocked”
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It was never easy to decide to break up . In my head I had committed myself to him , his flaws didn't bother me , I loved him for real. What bothered me was ,me putting in efforts ,love , time and him not being able to put even love in it.
Then it changed into hate
Most often women decide to leave first , and move on but it's never easy , if they have loved. They put efforts and keep tolerating to an extent that it crosses their limit and once they break , they don't look back.
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Somehow block unblock never worked , being batchmates we saw each other everyday. I am introvert , have hardly any male friends , so any news about class or anything, he gave it. After a while I thought I should let it go , Mbbs will soon end .
I tried to Have a new crush to move on. I was in myth that all is fine as long as I focus myself on admiring new crush .
Then again to crying.
Hi everybody! I have been looking at posts on narcs and narc abuse on here and if has really helped me out a lot. I am currently struggling with my situation and need some advice/support.
I met a narc last year, everything seemed to good to be true. Love bombing, always texting calling and taking me on dates. Everything changed when someone warned me about him out in public in front of him and who he is. This caused a conflict with us and the love bombing seized.
he would tell me that everything is okay and i can come and talk. He would set a time limit on me and kick me out after that.
he would then text me like everything was fine and we hung out again and after that he completely ghosted me for one week. He came back and texted me a week later laughing about the ghosting and acting like nothing had happened.
he continued to text me ( not like in the beginning) make plans with me, then on the day of the plans he would just ghost me. One day he would act interested the next silence.
i contacted him a month later and he acted like nothing happened. He was on a vacation and sent me a picture of another woman ( someone he allegedly met on the trip) to strike a reaction but i never gave him one. After the trip he came to my place and was extremely rude, accusing me of going on dates with a bunch of men. The next day he accused me of being an alcoholic and that he wanted nothing to do with me but said well maybe we can be "friends" then ghosted me
i assumed at this point it was over and i would never hear from him again. He contacted me on the holiday a month later acting like everything was great. We ended up hanging out a month or so later and when we hung out it went well, i thought things were going in the right direction.
after we hung out.. silence. I would try to text him and if he replied it would be very short then he just stopped replying. He ghosted me for almost three months. I thought he was done this time and of course he popped up again like nothing happened. At this point i was getting sick of if so i questioned him as to why he dissapeared and always does this. Of course he had some sob story about a injury and family member dying of cancer. I felt pity for him and he gave me an apology.. so i took him back stupidly.
things seemed to be going smooth for a couple months, of course until his family member died and his injury got better he never contacted me and was distant. Menawhile, i was there for him during the difficult time for him. He lied to me about the funeral and never wanted to chat. I was chasing him and he would always claim nothing was wrong but when i said i thought he used me when he was down he could not handle it and would always tell me he didnt care and to go away. I would get so upset i would try texting him to work it out he would barelt respond and if he did he would not be nice about it.
we did hang out a couple times after that, he would ignore me after. One day i was like hey i think you are seeing someone else, and i was like well ixam seeing someone so no problem if you are he said " buy bye good luck with your new guy stop contacting me" i was devastated and tried to get into contact with him for weeks then i just gave up and accepted it was over. He ended up contacting me a month later acting like everything was fine. He wanted to go out and have drinks i told him i would. He and i both seemed to have a great time. He ends up ignoring me again. I kept texting him trying to figure out what was wrong. He kept saying everything was fine and i said ok can we hang out again? He said maybe i was like why? He just kept saying maybe …
our last conversation we had… i said what is wrong ? He said nothing is wrong everything is fine. I asked him why he keeps saying maybe. He said " maybe but i dont want to see you right now" i said why? He saix " im just not feeling it, if i wanted to date i would" i said why did you contact me less then a week ago wanting to go out? He said i didnt.. even though he did. So i said should i just move on or what? He said whatever you want to do. So i said that he was really confusing me and asked him if he had anything more to say before i move on? My messages were turning green so i panicked he blocked me and reacted irrationally. I said " omg did you block me? My messages are not going through. Even texted him on my work phone asking what was up. And called him twice ( please dont judge me i know it is pathetic i never was this type of girl before him) so he replied and said " Ok I'll block you now" then immedietly blocked me. He has never blocked me before since I have met him he will just ghost. Is this ths final discard aka " grand finale? Did i just push him too far?
this has upset me so much its hard to even function.
I always thought first love is the guy who comes first in sequence of liking. I had a brief period of friendship appearing like relationship with a guy in early days of first year. He couldn't let his insecurities go and eventually he left me . As expected I was broken , wondering he was my first love ,how will I move on ?
Jealousy “ why is he so normal even after breakup?”
I heard somewhere “ you shouldn't read those chapters whose outcome you already know”.
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I was crying “ why can't he love me the way I do?”
I got hobbies , cultivated myself. I guess at times I remember him , naah i don't remember him particularly, I remember my love for him . I regret that it was so pure and got wasted on him.
